It took me three years to read “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.” Why am I telling you this? Most likely to illustrate that although I usually have good intentions, sometimes I don’t get around to stuff right away.

But I have too many thoughts to share to avoid blogging any longer. This came to a head during the recent “Tom Cruise Is Completely Crazy” tour, when I realized I lacked the necessary outlet to share my thoughts about his follies.

Some days, I’ll be rather prolific. Other times, you’ll wonder if I’ve died. I have a ridiculous job (and I mean that in the best possible way) that keeps me super busy and on the road constantly. To make up for what will no doubt be spotty posts, I promise to compensate by offering good shtick and excellent grammar whenever I do have something to say.

Here’s what you can expect should you become a repeat visitor to winebythecolor.com (I feel like pre-crazy Cruise making his mission statement in Jerry Maguire). I will share inane tales of life on the road (in fact, I started writing this at 34,000 feet, inspired by a sunset too amazing to describe). I will talk about sports, most notably, the Ohio State Buckeyes, Jets, Devils, Mets and the ongoing freefall of the National Basketball Association. I will wax eloquent about Brett Favre and Vince Vaughn. I will pontificate about the merits of the Garden State. I will list things that amuse and annoy me. I will use the phrase ‘good times’ way too often. I will occasionally do some drunken posting. I will rant about bad drivers. I will tell stories that were wildly entertaining to me at the time but will probably not seem so funny to you (see: red wine story, below). I will prattle on about my brother’s kids, heretofore to be known as Crazy Nephew #1 (CN1) and Crazy Nephew #2 (CN2). I will try to be nice.

Many, many thanks to the cocktail waitress at the Golden Nugget in Laughlin, Nev., in whose honor this blog is named. In the midst of a crazed winning streak in Laughlin in March of 2005, I decided to play the big-shot high roller and order drinks for me and my parents. So I summoned a cocktail waitress and ordered their drinks. I then, keeping in line with my never-ending vision quest for the perfect red wine, enjoyed the following exchange:

Me: “What kind of red wine do you have?”
Her: “Red.”
Me: Confused look
Her: “Our wine comes by the color. We have red, and we have white. And they both come in a box.”

The wine, as you can imagine, was awful. But the line immediately went into the pantheon of the best things anyone has ever said to me.

I also thank freakgirl for her assistance in getting the ball rolling. Without her, I’d still just be cracking myself up. Now I’ll try to do the same for you.