wine by the color

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I figured that during an 11-hour flight, something interesting might happen, so I decided to take ongoing notes during Continental flight #15.

1:10 p.m. I sit down. My seatmate, a woman in her 60s, introduces herself. Grace seems nice.

1:12 p.m. Grace has about two minutes to figure out how to keep her elbows on her side of the armrest.

1:14 p.m. Grace tells three awful jokes in a two-minute span. My Bose headphones go on, not to be taken off again except for bathroom trips.

2:15 p.m. First movie – Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I really like this movie. The voice of the marriage counselor is really familiar.

3:00 p.m. Lunch is served. Apparently, they still serve vegetarian meals on flights to Hawaii.

3:15 p.m. I have no idea what I just ate. There seemed to be some beans, peas and rice, but I can’t be certain. I picked a hell of a time to eat something I can’t identify. Let’s hope it plays nicely with my intestines, since I’ll be on this plane for eight and a half more hours.

At this point, I decided to record time in ‘hours remaining’ instead of by the clock. Trying to figure the time change was making my brain hurt. Fortunately, Continental’s airshow on the large overhead televisions provides continually updated information regarding hours remaining, altitude and temperature, so that will now do the work for me.

7:01 Seven more hours. The movie is over. Why don’t they have the name of the marriage counselor in the credits?

6:55 There seems to be a complete shutdown of the entertainment system. Don’t they realize we are in this plane for seven more hours? Why isn’t the television working? I’ve got eight more channels to watch here.

6:36 Ok, it’s back. What to watch next… I like how they are showing both “Bewitched” and “War of the Worlds,” so people can pick Nicole over Tom. Which I am clearly going to do.

6:26 Grace made a bit of a fuss to get a pair of headphones a few hours ago, but has yet to put them on her head. Perplexing. What is she waiting for, hour 10 of this flight?

4:58 Just left land. Now we have four hours and 58 minutes of the Pacific Ocean.

4:20 Apparently, vegetarians don’t like Fritos and chocolate. That’s what everyone else got for snack time. I got a plate of fruit and a lemony lemon vegan cookie.

Grace, by the way, has kicked things up a notch. She’s busted out these things she’s squeezing, I guess to exercise her hands and arms, which wouldn’t be half as interesting had she not at the same moment ordered a cocktail.

4:11 Grace and I have just had our first conversation since the jokes. After six hours, she decided it was time for the headphones. This required a quick tutorial. And a discussion as to why the ones she bought from Continental for five bucks look different than the ones I bought from Bose for a whole lot more than that.

It’s 56 (F) degrees below 0 outside.

3:40 It’s time for some CSI. There is little chance I haven’t seen these episodes. I wonder how long it will take me to remember who did it.

3:38 Definitely seen this one. The stepmother did it. And the bear in the other crime was part of a canned hunt, set up by someone at the zoo.

2:51 CSI Miami. Seen this one too. Tony Hawk is the victim. His wife thinks she offed him, but it’s actually someone at the video game skate park.

2:33 The soap in the lavatory has a lovely almond smell. I wonder if you can buy that soap somewhere.

1:43 The two-hour barrier has been broken. The CSI trifecta is complete with an episode of CSI New York. One of the guys on the show looks a lot like the Geekboy.

:53 Less than an hour! I feel just like Red at the end of Shawshank, when he’s all excited to see Andy and the water. Well, except for my lack of a lengthy prison term, of course.

:29 Huh. You have to fill out a declaration form to enter Hawaii. No, I am not bringing in any plants. I wonder how badly the Jets are losing.

:04 For the first time in almost five hours, I can see land! Diamond Head is visible if I crane my neck to a chiropractic-requiring position.

Within a minute of landing, I turned on my cell phone and got the following text message from The Marsh: This is the sickest display of football I have ever seen! Vinny fumbled three times in the first quarter. I guess that answers that.

And that was the end of life on Continental flight #15. From there, it was on to the resort, where I had a drink in my hand within five minutes of arriving. Good times.


  • At 10/25/2005 3:01 PM, Anonymous maddie said…

    In case this is keeping you up at night, William Fichtner played the marriage counselor in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Uncredited. The role I recognize him from is Colonel Sharp in Armeggedon.

    I hate arm rest stealers.

    Was Bewitched good? It's next on my Netflix list.

    Have a great time in Hawaii!

  • At 10/25/2005 3:20 PM, Blogger freakgirl said…


  • At 10/25/2005 11:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Please - a plane trip like that IS a lengthy prison term. And have a great time!


  • At 10/26/2005 8:48 AM, Blogger Marjon said…

    This description reminds me of how much I hate flying. While everybody else wants to have the continuous flight from Amsterdam to New York or LA or wherever, I always go for the ones that stop in say, Iceland or London. So I can get off the f-ing plane. I hate it.

  • At 10/26/2005 3:39 PM, Blogger Maggie said…

    I'm scared to take a flight like that. Direct to Hawaii from the east coast? Tell me you stopped to refuel or something? Anyway, as a smoker, that flight is my greatest nightmare.

  • At 10/27/2005 2:54 PM, Blogger Megan said…

    Um, you turned on your phone before you landed? I'd be the one glaring at you when the plane is crashing.

  • At 10/28/2005 3:23 AM, Blogger jersey girl said…

    Oh no, no, no. I would never commit such a heinous crime. I turned it on moments AFTER we landed. Which is also somewhat obnoxious, but I did not immediately start talking on it. Just checking text messages.

    And no, no stopping. I would have preferred that, but it was not an option.


Post a Comment

<< Home