Q: What do Cameron Diaz and I have in common?

A: We both broke our noses in Hawaii.

Actually, Dr. Downs at the emergency room couldn’t be sure if it’s broken because of the impressive swelling. He didn’t take x-rays because, as he said, there’s not much he can do if it is broken. He recommended I give it a few days and then see how it looks. So that’s the plan. I did receive some high-power pharmaceuticals for pain (which is nice, since I have to admit it hurts REAL bad) and I got a tetanus shot. Stunningly, I do not have a concussion, and I did not require stitches, which was the main reason I sought professional medical attention. But my face is already black and blue and I expect that by tomorrow morning my left eye might be swollen shut. GOOD times.

And how did this happen?

I was jumping off a rope swing into a waterfall and pond area (don’t worry, Mom, it was totally supervised). Just as I let go of the rope to jump into the water, the bottom of the rope swung up and slammed me in the nose. I must mention that my landing was perfect, despite the fact that I was already bleeding, thanks to the cut on the bridge of my nose. I am also proud of the fact that I did not cry. But it must have looked horrible, because Chas, our Hawaiian guide, jumped into the water after me immediately. He administered first aid and we headed back to our car. There was a slight delay en route to the hospital because Becky and I were both starving, so we stopped for dinner (and maybe a Lava Flow, a magical cocktail I’ll write about another time). After an hour at the hospital, I was discharged and here we are.

And no, there will be no pictures of this. I’m sure it will still be a mess when I get home later this week, so anyone interested can get a live look at the carnage. I should still be quite a pretty picture at the Jets tailgate Sunday.