When you have taken to wearing a bullet-proof vest as part of your daily attire, you know your life has taken a wrong turn.

Edited to add...

Ok, this story gets better every time it's updated. The rumor that a machete was found in the vehicle along with the four guns was a solid frontrunner for ridiculous tidbit. But then, this...

Police also found a compact disc of children's songs recorded by Ohio prison inmates that the state distributed last month to prisoners and their families.

I don't even know what to do with that.

And then...

Clarett plans to play for the Mahoning Valley Hitmen, one of five teams in the Eastern Indoor Football League.

Clarett has not signed a contract with the team yet, pending a fire marshal's inspection of the team's home field. Clarett's proposed contract includes attendance incentives that cannot be finalized until the fire marshal determines the capacity of the team's arena.

The Eastern Indoor Football League? Attendance incentives?

Sometimes, the shtick just writes itself. This reads like something you'd find in the Onion.

Except it's all true...