(Editor's note – I was working on a minor rant and it turned into a lengthy, rambling outburst, one that went on for a few pages. Rather than subject readers to the whole thing at once, I decided to break it into four parts. That not only considerately lessens the reading required in one sitting, it also allows me to stretch content over a few days, always a key while I’m busy on the road. So without further ado…)

A Rant In Four Parts

Part I: The Local Paper

I’m quite concerned about the nice woman who lives next to me. She recently traveled to Thailand and apparently had a serious brain aneurysm while there (this is how it was described to me – I would think all brain aneurysms are serious). Her family was having trouble getting information about her condition because they couldn’t get anyone on the phone who spoke comprehensible English.

When I left town last week, I left my cell number with another neighbor so I could be updated, but I’ve not heard from her. Unfortunately, things didn’t sound encouraging when I left, so I’ve been keeping an eye on the worst-case scenario, checking the obit section of the local paper. But I can’t do that anymore.

Why?

Because the assclowns at said paper have completely screwed up the web site. This week, the paper started to require that visitors enter simple demographic information before accessing content on the site. I didn’t think that was unreasonable, so I went ahead and entered my gender, my year of birth and my zip code.

Then, per the instructions, I hit ‘Submit.’ And … nothing. I clicked ‘Submit’ again. And again. And again. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

I thought perhaps it was my computer, so I went to another. It’s not me, nor my computer. It’s them.

Why in the name of all that is holy do they have to make things so damned difficult? I just don’t understand. I possess the technological skills of a nursery school-age child, yet I’m able to design web pages for both personal and professional use. How in the world can the ninth-most circulated newspaper in the most densely populated state in the nation not be able to design pages that people can actually use? It’s truly beyond me.

(By the way, I did actual research to determine it’s the ninth-largest paper in NJ. It has 11,000 fewer daily subscribers that the one that used the "Roasted Nuts" headline a few years ago. Humorously, while trying to find a suitable article to link to regarding that situation, it led me … here.)

If it isn't fixed by the time next week’s high school football podcast goes live, someone in a Route 22 West office can expect a strongly worded communiqué from the Wine By The Color headquarters.