I have recently been taken to task, and rightfully so, for two things: the lack of pictures of my niece and the missing fourth installment from my rant-a-palooza.

My shame with regard to the former of these issues is overwhelming. Last weekend, someone asked to see a recent picture of Sweetie Pie Princess. Imagine my horror to realize I haven't taken any since she was two weeks old. Shameful. I know she's the third kid and all, but she deserves better.




Sweetie Pie Princess smiles at her aunt as the two watch a little football together. She may be smiling now, but she and her aunt will be much less happy two hours later, when officials at the Jets-Browns game do not call for a replay on what looks like it could be a Jets TD in the last minute of the game.






And finally...

Part IV: I Want To Quit The Gym!

A few months ago, in the midst of a long road trip, I was watching television at 4 a.m. because I couldn't sleep. I can't really explain what happened next. Perhaps it was because I was exhausted, or because I had been away from home for too long. All I know is that Daisy Fuentes was making a lot of sense early that morning, so I now own this. Shut it. I know.

But it’s been going pretty well - I've been rising at 5:30 a.m. daily to do the tapes and I actually enjoy it and have started to see a difference, so I decided it might be time to quit the gym. I stopped by a few weeks ago to freeze my membership, a warm-up for actually quitting. I filled out the paperwork and was told it would be taken care of.

Two days later, the monthly membership fee was withdrawn from my checking account.

I wish I had a better ending to this story, but I don't. I called to complain and was given some rhetoric about the gym's policy requiring more lead time to freeze a membership. Honestly, I just didn't have the energy to fight about it. Maybe when I actually quit and that doesn't go well, which I'm sure it won't, I'll have a better tale to tell.

Speaking of traveling and late nights on the road, I frequently suffer from an affliction I like to call Hotel Insomnia. It doesn’t matter how tired I am, sometimes I simply cannot sleep. More accurately, I’ll fall asleep without incident, but wake up around 3 a.m. And 4 a.m. And 5 a.m.

It was during one such evening that I awoke to what seemed to be Ron Jeremy leading a talk show about what constitutes sexy. Who can sleep when that’s going on?

Eventually, I realized it was an infomercial for this. I won't say any more.

But while we're discussing disturbing things you can do to your body, might I point out this? Are there that many people who need more fat on their ass? I have my doubts about this.