Dear woman on the stationary bike in front of me at the gym:

I wanted to let you know I didn't appreciate the way you dismissively tossed aside the sports section as you read the local paper while exercising this morning. I realize it's not the New York Times, but there are some worthwhile articles in there. I mean, you read the section that includes tips for playing bridge, for Christ's sake. But the sports, you just tossed under the bike. Which is probably a safety hazard. But that's a separate issue.

For those of us who are weekly contributors to the section, quite frankly, your actions were a little hurtful. And no one likes to have their feelings hurt at 5:50 a.m.

Hugs & kisses,
Jersey Girl

Speaking of the local paper ... call me a softie, but I thought this story was kind of sweet. But I am curious to know why the one brother always picks the movie. In 600 viewings, has brother #2 never gotten to make the call?

That theater is once where I had a minor outburst. My then-roommate and I went to an opening-night viewing of "Billy Madison" and a group of teenagers behind us was making a ridiculous racket. They were hollering at each other, changing seats every two minutes, getting up to leave the theater constantly. Now, I realize we weren't exactly seeing "Schindler's List" and thus did not need reverent silence in the theater, but it was getting to the point where you couldn't hear the movie.

So about 30 minutes into the flick, I leaned over my roommate and hissed through clenched teeth at the crowd of hooligans, "I don't know about you all, but I paid eight dollars to get in here and I'd really like to watch this movie. So shut the fuck up."

I was worried my actions might serve to incite them even more, knowing if someone scolded me like that when I was a teenager, I'd probably have purposefully ramped up my shenanigans. They, however, did not make another peep.