wine by the color

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Although I hold very strong beliefs and would fight to the death for many of them, I have never been moved to take to the streets in support of a cause.

And you can rest damn assured that if I ever am so motivated, it won't be to show support for Paris Hilton.

horoscope (n) – 1. a diagram of the heavens, showing the relative position of planets and the signs of the zodiac, for use in calculating births, foretelling events in a person's life, etc.; 2. a prediction of future events or advice for future behavior based on such a diagram.

Given that clarification, this was the prediction for me yesterday...

All right, fishes! Leave your work unfinished and go find your water - whether it's a lake, pool, the cleansing release of tears or a long, cool drink. Also, periodic dips into the bubble bath aren't optional; they're mandatory.

Someone is actually getting paid to write this drivel. And that makes me sad.

I drive down a country road every day en route to work. And every day, there is a young girl waiting for the bus at the end of her driveway. She is frighteningly overweight for what I estimate to be a 10-year-old child. I'm sympathetic to her plight and understand there could be a variety of factors contributing to her situation.

But what I can't understand is that her parents seem to be contributing to the problem. Every day, either her mother or father escorts her to the end of their driveway, which I estimate to be about 75 yards. How do they do this? By driving her in a tractor.

Call me crazy, but it seems to me they're missing a golden opportunity for a little exercise.

After shaking my head about that for a while yesterday, I stopped in the grocery store to pick up a salad. The cashier's nails were 2 inches long. How do people function with nails that long?

It took a lot of self-control to not question her about how she cleans up after a bathroom trip. I'd think the risk of injuring yourself back there would be pretty high with claws that long.


  • At 6/09/2007 10:14 PM, Blogger SJPSandman said…

    During my years as a pharmacy technician -- yes, I know how frightening the thought of me around all those drugs seems to you straight-edge types out there -- I had the occasion to work with a certain pharmacist a few times, whose fingernails were -- I kid you not -- about six to eight inches long, curling up and back toward her fingers. It was rather disgusting. They were yellowed and she didn't wear nail polish.

    I, however, did not have the same self-control, and asked her one day, "Kim. How do you wipe your ass with those nails?"

    Her reply: "Very carefully."

    Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go get the mail from the boxes located about 50 feet from my garage door. I think I'm going to drive there.

  • At 6/10/2007 8:01 PM, Blogger the joker said…

    I just want to be on the record by stating that I had to get the mail yesterday.

  • At 6/12/2007 1:12 AM, Blogger jersey girl said…

    Do you arrive at the mailbox via motorized transport, or did your feet take you?


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