Although I hold very strong beliefs and would fight to the death for many of them, I have never been moved to take to the streets in support of a cause.

And you can rest damn assured that if I ever am so motivated, it won't be to show support for Paris Hilton.

horoscope (n) – 1. a diagram of the heavens, showing the relative position of planets and the signs of the zodiac, for use in calculating births, foretelling events in a person's life, etc.; 2. a prediction of future events or advice for future behavior based on such a diagram.

Given that clarification, this was the prediction for me yesterday...

All right, fishes! Leave your work unfinished and go find your water - whether it's a lake, pool, the cleansing release of tears or a long, cool drink. Also, periodic dips into the bubble bath aren't optional; they're mandatory.

Someone is actually getting paid to write this drivel. And that makes me sad.

I drive down a country road every day en route to work. And every day, there is a young girl waiting for the bus at the end of her driveway. She is frighteningly overweight for what I estimate to be a 10-year-old child. I'm sympathetic to her plight and understand there could be a variety of factors contributing to her situation.

But what I can't understand is that her parents seem to be contributing to the problem. Every day, either her mother or father escorts her to the end of their driveway, which I estimate to be about 75 yards. How do they do this? By driving her in a tractor.

Call me crazy, but it seems to me they're missing a golden opportunity for a little exercise.

After shaking my head about that for a while yesterday, I stopped in the grocery store to pick up a salad. The cashier's nails were 2 inches long. How do people function with nails that long?

It took a lot of self-control to not question her about how she cleans up after a bathroom trip. I'd think the risk of injuring yourself back there would be pretty high with claws that long.