If I ever decide to run for public office, I'd base my campaign around just two issues:

-Mandatory road testing for elderly before driver’s license renewal. This speaks for itself.

-A perfume-regulation law. At 6:45 this morning, while running on the path in the park, I passed a woman who was wearing more perfume than I’ll wear in 2007. Is this necessary?

This regulation would be especially stringent for air travel, where I’m always amazed by how much fragrance people will slather on themselves before spending several hours locked in an enclosed tube with hundreds of other people.

Of course, given my history of shenanigans, and my intent to continue said tomfoolery, I won’t be running for office any time soon. But if I did, I think I’d win in a romp with the above platform.