Should you find yourself in America's Heartland any time soon, with the temperature hovering in the 102-degree neighborhood at 7 p.m., might I recommend you visit the local branch of a high-brow ethnic restaurant?

For while there, as you take in a little SportsCenter while enjoying your orange peel chicken at the bar, you may also be entertained by the bartender, a genuinely nice lass who, after discussing her new tattoo, a sizable, accurate replica of an 80s-soap-star-turned-90s-sitcom-star, at some point offhandedly mentions that she participates in the local roller derby.

And really, that's all you need to forget about sweltering heat that absolutely sucks the life out of you, seemingly 24 hours a day.