My dear friends at Continental Airlines continue to push the limits of my friendly patience. Two days later, still no bag in my possession, and an airline with no clue as to its whereabouts. They do not know if it left EWR. They seem vexed by the fact that my other bag, which was checked at the exact moment the lost bag was, arrived without incident. They also are perplexed by my accurate assertion that I checked said bags one hour and 40 minutes prior to the flight. I believe they find this fact discouraging because it negates their standard argument that ample time was not given between the checking of the bags and the departure of the flight.

So in the past 36 hours, I have answered the same questions on seven different phone calls - color and size of the bag, tags, contents, etc. I did laugh out loud once, when between phone calls six and seven (I can't count it as an actual call because no assistance was provided) I was informed their computers were down.

On call four, I politely expressed my displeasure with the current situation, at which time the customer service representative offered me a $50 allowance of sorts to buy some replacements for the items they have temporarily (they hope) misplaced.

On call seven, several hours later, in which I used a non-hostile yet perhaps pointed tone, I again expressed my frustration with their lack of information, at which time they doubled their offer to $100.

So what would you do with a c-note and a complete lack of toiletries? That's right - you go to Target.

Eighty-six dollars and seventy-four cents later, there is much rejoicing. Hair will be washed and conditioned, brushed, dried and styled. A face will be cleansed and moisturized. Legs will be shaved. Ears will be Q-tipped. Armpits will be freshened for the greater good.

Huzzah!

Mind you, there are many weekends, not to mention camping trips, on which I'll forego the bathing function for at least a day. But, in immortal cinematic words once uttered at a Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night, that is by choice. This has been forced upon me, thus making the lack of personal hygiene much less desirable. I'm sure my co-workers would agree.