I have to get rid of this raging illness so I can get back to the office and get away from this television. I've already had my stomach turn to Jell-o; now I'm afraid my brain is going to follow suit.

I just finished watching two hours of the 40 Greatest Reality Moments 2 on VH-1. And I got angry at the results. There's no way Clay Aiken surprising a Clay Aiken wanna-be on American Idol was a greater reality television moment than Verne Troyer's infamous shenanigans on the Surreal Life 4. And nothing from Being Bobby Brown on that list? Blasphemous.

Shamefully, I have also watched more than a few minutes of the Vanilla Ice cinematic tour de force, "Cool as Ice," which seems to be on at least one HBO channel every other hour this week.

In addition, I have watched a few episodes of Samantha Brown on the Travel Channel. The show follows Samantha as she travels around the world. I like the show a lot - she goes to some terrific places and does some really cool things.

But her speaking style makes me almost angry. She looks like she comes from somewhere like Des Moines, but speaks with an affected accent, like Madonna during her British aristocracy phase. In a recent episode, Ms. Brown referred to papier-mâché and so over-pronounced the words that I almost threw something at the television. But I continue to watch.

Currently, I'm flipping between Secrets of RV's and "Cruel Intentions." I clearly need sleep. And a throat that is not swollen shut and thus allows me to return to work.