When the Lovely Lady of Sheboygan and I visited the Mars' Cheese Castle during my visit to America's Dairyland last year, I must have added my name to the mailing list. Last week, I received their 2007 Wisconsin Catalog.

The timing was beautiful as I'm working on the holiday shopping, and I don't know anyone who wouldn't love to receive salami in the shape of a beer bottle. In particular, that has my brother written all over it.

In the middle of this fabulous catalog there is a helpful list of frequently asked questions. My favorites:

Q: What if cheese becomes moldy?
A: Under normal conditions merely wash off cheese with hot water or cut off moldy portions, as the remainder of the product will be edible.

(We have, in the recent past, given my father a very hard time for doing that very thing. So, Dad, we're sorry. You were right.)

Q: What if cheese remains unrefrigerated for an extended period of time (1 week or more), is it still good?
A: Yes, merely place the cheese into the refrigerator for a few hours and it will be ok to eat, under most circumstances.

Q: Why do Swiss cheese packages sometimes swell or expand?
A: Swiss cheese has the characteristics of a gaseous type product and it is normal for Swiss to emit gas when temperatures vary; the product will remain edible.

Upon reading that, I turned to the Swiss cheese offerings. Sadly, nowhere is "Farty Swiss Cheese" mentioned. That seems like a missed marketing opportunity.