wine by the color

Thursday, February 14, 2008

For those of you on the West Coast who have yet to make Valentine's plans, might I recommend a mini-marathon of Cribs and Pimp My Ride? Nothing says romance like a melange of MTV reality programming.

So the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue arrived in the mail yesterday. Frightening news for New Jersey shore-goers - apparently, 2008 is going to be the year of the half suit.

Not counting the body-painted suits, models taking photos of themselves or the wives/athletes (Danica Patrick? Seriously?), there are roughly 120 swimsuits in the issue. Of those...

Number of models not wearing a top: 21
Number of models wearing a mesh or see-through top: 11
Number of models carrying their bikini top rather than wearing it: 2
Number of models who felt no need to sport the bottom of their suit: 1
Number of suits that made me visibly blanche, due to either ugliness or lack of comfort (or, in at least one case, both): 4
Number of Jets, Packers and/or Browns representatives featured in the NFL cheerleaders section: 0
Number of suits I'd actually wear: 0
Number of ads featuring Djimon Hounsou in his Calvin Kleins: 1

And consider this list:
-two Eddie Bauer bathing suits, featuring both a top and bottom ($170)
-my annual gym membership ($504)
-160-gig iPod ($349)
-Bose portable sound dock ($399)
-oil changes for a year ($240)
-two tickets for all three Springsteen shows at the Meadowlands in July ($660)
-dinner for two at the diner once a week for a year ($1,250)

I could get all of these things for a grand total of $3,581. Or, for roughly that same amount, I could purchase this top, which I wouldn't really call a bathing suit top. But it is $3,500 (and unfortunately is a crappy picture. Not that anything could explain why this costs $3,500.)

Now, if I could have the body in that frock, I'd consider $3,500. Otherwise, I'm going with the list above.


  • At 2/15/2008 7:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sounds like a great issue.

  • At 2/15/2008 9:27 AM, Blogger the joker said…

    I think if anyone wants that body, they can save themselves $1,250 by staying away from the diner and any other establishment that sells anything consumable or with 1 calorie or more.

    Perri-air, anyone?

  • At 2/15/2008 8:56 PM, Blogger jersey girl said…

    A world without diners is not somewhere I want to live, my friend.

    So I'll forego the body and go with the grilled cheese and fries, thank you. Or the pork roll and cheese and fries. Or the french toast.


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