wine by the color

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Now that spring seems to have finally arrived for good and my patio door is open for the first time, I'm sure my neighbor will again start to wonder why I randomly erupt in raucous fits of laughter.

My dear neighbor, it's things like this, from the latest Victoria' Secret catalog...

This would look good on approximately 0.06% of the female population, and I most certainly do not count myself among that percentage. Not to mention, can you picture me doing backdives or fishing in that get-up? A suit like this would no doubt lead to a lot of wardrobe malfuctions. One would have to sit absolutely still to avoid incidents. I'd also imagine there would be a fair amount of bunching in the crotch. Uncomfortable and socially hazardous? Check.

This suit would have been particularly disastrous during our family vacation last month. While in Tortola, I spent some time riding the waves with my older crazy nephew. He's only recently gotten more adventurous and surprised me by letting me take him further and further out into the semi-rough sea.

All was going well until AJ noticed a larger wave approaching. My father called out, "that's going to be a big one," and indeed it was. I had two seconds to consider my options, which was done amid a barrage of silent, internal profanity. I decided to mash AJ against me to protect him from the crashing wave and minimize the amount of water he took on. It worked fairly well but we got absolutely hammered by the rogue wave (as a sidebar, I cannot imagine what that tsunami in the Indian Ocean in 2004 must have been like. This was a little wave that caught us off-guard and passed within four seconds. Anyway...)

As I waited for AJ to dissolve into tears, his little face looked up at me and yelled, "THAT WAS GREAT" with a huge smile. And thank God he felt that way as another wave crashed onto us almost immediately. He took that one well also.

My brother was standing on the beach and witnessed the whole thing. He was holding his camera and I hoped he had captured the carnage, but alas, no. I think he was concerned he was going to have to make a Hasselhoff-esque save.

Ah well, next time.


  • At 4/24/2008 9:22 PM, Blogger Joe and Mel said…

    I fear how much of that I will see here (the suit, not the waves). And it will surely be on the other 99.94% of the women in the world.d


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