So the whole Jersey Girl clan decided to take in a movie yesterday on a chilly April Saturday afternoon.

And how can you go wrong with a movie that promises ... anything can happen on Nim’s Island, a magical place ruled by a young girl’s imagination. Here, a fiesty young girl named Nim, surrounded by her exotic animal friends and inspired by legends and books, leads an amazing tropical existence that mirrors that of her favorite literary hero, Alex Rover, the world's greatest adventurer.

That seemed like a guaranteed crowd-pleaser, particularly for Sweetie Pie Princess' first theater experience...



How could we go wrong? Well, I can tell you exactly how that can go wrong. Really, really wrong...

For example, when the cinema house shows an alternate movie without much (i.e., no) notification, so much so that the marquee outside the theater is still advertising Nim's Island as the main feature. So that, when you arrive a few minutes before the movie begins, order popcorn and pizza and pitchers of soda and beer and settle into your seats to enjoy a show about a magical place ruled by a girl's imagination, things take an immediate unexpected turn.

The three adults in our party began to exchange confused looks. What exactly were we watching?



Oh NOOOOOO...

Before we realized the gravity of our error, I thought it was cute that Mrs. Cunningham and Frank Drebin were guest-starring in the flick. And then we realized the full extent of what we had mistakenly encountered...



More than once, my brother leaned over and asked, "Why are we still here?" Fortunately, the crazy nephews chose to focus on the slapstick humor and super-hero action instead of the barrage of foul language and adult humor.

The only questions I had to answer from the four-year-old sitting next to me were: What did they do to his penis (during some shtick about a sex-change operation)? (Answer: oh, they're just fixing up his parts); and What does shat mean (in response to a character saying, "I shat my pants"). (Answer: He farted in his pants a lot). Fortunately, there were no questions about the following topics (despite being mentioned): porn, Hooters, sexual intercourse, sex change, bitch, whore, vagina, testicles, balls, fuck, shit, ass, and so on).

If nothing else, we now have a firm grasp on the difference between PG and PG-13.

And before you ask why we didn't simply leave, I'll respond by asking if you've ever tried to remove three children from a theater once a movie has started. Allow me to link to the word meltdown (please see #3).