wine by the color

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It's not like I didn't know this was coming.

In fact, I drafted several responses to prepare for this possibility, starting in late June. I wrote His Holiness a Dear John letter. I crafted a lengthy post where I compared His Holiness to a former boyfriend who spent several months of our relationship seeking others via a social networking site. I created a top 10 Reasons Brett Favre Can Go Straight to Hell list. But when he announced, a mere three weeks ago, that he was indeed retired for good, I decided to let it go.

And then, today's news.

Today, I took the first steps in making a full break with the athlete formerly known as His Holiness. While in the office, I took a piece of rope and made a small noose, which I then hung around the Favre Jets figurine that heretofore sat atop the mantel in my office (yes, I have a fireplace in my office. pretty damn sweet) and hung #4 from a pipe in the ceiling. I sent the Captain a text message that read: "Good news. I'm all yours. Brett Favre is dead to me."

Tonight, as I sat in a local establishment enjoying a Guinness or three, taking in the press conference officially announcing Favre's return (because seeing him practice with the Vikings wasn't confirmation enough), I apparently watched with angry daggers shooting from my eyes at the television. It was probably a good thing there was no volume on the tube. My reaction had I heard his remarks would not have made a good impression on my co-workers (and, as an aside, if you live in New Jersey and need a solid happy hour spot, might I recommend this joint, which had delicious 50-cent sliders until 7 p.m.).

I'm not so naive to think that this break-up will be easy or clean. It's like when you see an old boyfriend and he looks pretty good and you only remember the good times, and forget about the crappy times that led to your break-up. Hell, during tonight's press conference, Favre laughed at one point and I almost got sucked in my his handsome face. But this is indeed a split and although I'll no doubt be tempted, my days of wholeheartedly supporting the hero of Kiln, Miss., are over. The title of His Holiness is officially retired.

No matter what, I assure you I'm handling this much better than this dude.


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