The saddest thing about this story is that there is no byline. Whoever crafted this beautiful lede should have gotten full credit for their work...

Apparently, if you jump on a couch in a frenzied enough manner on national television, people will start to believe just about anything about you.

I used to read Bill Simmons' column unfailingly and have even enjoyed an e-mail exchange or two with him (one of them involving the "Fast Break" soundtrack, which I inexplicably own, ON VINYL). He's lost me a bit in the past year or two but I do still check him out on occasion. He's got a new feature called the Curious Guy where he e-mails with various folks of note. This week's is author Chuck Klosterman, who is a genius on many levels. But I have mixed feelings about this Klosterman passage:

I absolutely do not understand why you believe geography should have any significance on which teams you are somehow "obligated" to support. That will always strike me as the most irrational reason for liking anything. There is no inherent regional quality to pro sports, beyond the imaginary relationship created by fans. I remember when I lived in Akron, Ohio, during the late 1990s, and it was suddenly announced that the Browns were returning to Cleveland. People in Northeast Ohio immediately began insisting that the Browns were their favorite team; this was before the expansion draft. People were buying Browns' jerseys before they had acquired any players. They didn't even have a coach or a GM. It was a wholly theoretical franchise. So -- essentially -- these people were rooting for (a) an incorporated municipality with a shared tax base, and (b) a color best-described as "burnt orange." These things have nothing to do with football, and you should never like any specific team more than you like the sport itself.

While I somewhat agree with his argument that geography doesn't have to be the determining factor in one's sports-team patronage, I’m not thrilled with his using the Browns to back this argument (although the line about people rooting for an incorporated municipality with a shared tax base is classic). Browns fans were celebrating the resurrection of the franchise, which had been ripped away from them by their devil incarnate of an owner. They weren’t rooting for a player-less, coach-less, theoretical franchise, they were supporting the history of the team and its return.

Forty years ago this summer, a young man returned after several years in the navy and went to work at the Jersey shore restaurant his family had been involved with for many years. That same summer, a young woman headed south with some of her girlfriends to celebrate the completion of their first year working as teachers, and she wound up working in that same restaurant. The two met in July of 1965, were engaged five months later, and got married the following June. And this is how my parents came to be my parents.

To honor this beginning, our family always tries to return to that shore town each year, if only for a few days, which we just did last weekend. While there, we always spend many hours at the same arcade on the boardwalk. Upon arriving this week my eyes immediately flew to a miniature Packers helmet signed by Brett Favre (or, as the card read, Brett Farv). But after two days of enough skeeball to give me debilitating back pain, I was still woefully short of the 299,990 points I needed to add the helmet to my collection of sports paraphernalia. So instead, I now own this…















That’s right. It’s neon. And it is lovely. It will look fantastic in my office next to the football lamp I won playing skeeball last year.

Reports indicate that the Jets are close to signing Vinny Testaverde to lead the team. While I'd like to be positive about this, and hope that this could be a storybook ending for him, I just don't see that happening.

All right, let's get these random matters out of the way so I can sleep.

#1 ... dinner

We went to this place for dinner tonight and enjoyed some fabulous seafood. I'm not much on oysters, but I did have crab and corn chowder, followed by crab cakes. All delicious. My culinary binges on the company dime are coming to an end for the year in a few weeks, so we've got to get the good, pricey eats in while we can.

#2 ... Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss

Just when I thought I’d go a whole day without a good, belly-shaking laugh, I read that Naomi Campbell has come to the defense of coke fiend Kate Moss. My favorite line is "Kate Moss is my friend ... I think it's like everybody is being bad to her."

This is priceless. To have one of the most famous cocaine-fueled bitches of the modeling world stand up for you, well, that's got to be like having O.J. Simpson offer to be a character witness.

#3 ... Wolf Blitzer's sex life

So I've been watching a lot of CNN lately, mesmerized by the hurricane coverage since the nightmare of Katrina started. I'm not a huge fan of Wolf Blitzer, but watching even a little of him has provided me the following query...

When he's in the throes of passion, does his wife/girlfriend/whatever he's into call him Wolf? "Oh yes, Wolf, right there." "Oh Wolf, you're an animal." Wouldn't that just be weird? A friend of mine used to date someone whose nickname was Dog, and I wondered about it in that situation as well. What's the proper protocol there?

Ok, and while typing this, I've stumbled across something that has the potential to turn into a real rant, were I not so tired. During the Monday Night game, Al Michaels and John Madden are interviewing Geena Davis. This is fucking deplorable. It's bad enough that Fox has to pan to stars of Fox series sitting in the stands during the World Series. I remember that starting back in the Party of Five days. Then, it was the sportscasters having to announce upcoming network programming. "Don't forget, just after the game, the season premiere of "Crossing Jordan." And now we've got to actually have said stars on the air, shilling about their shows. What does Geena Davis know about the NFL? What's next, eliminating the middle men of the sportscasters and just having television actors actually broadcast the games? Well, the Evil Empire already has Nick Lachey on air during College Game Day, so I guess the apocalypse has already begun.

That said, to completely shift gears, I met Al Michaels about a year and a half ago in California, and it took every ounce of self-control I had to not toss the word 'farcical' into our conversation.

Well, I've just settled in for the evening after a fantastic dinner and had planned to address the following trifecta of topics:

1. what I ate for the aforementioned fantastic dinner
2. the irony of Naomi Campbell sticking up for Kate Moss
3. Wolf Blitzer's sex life

Instead, I must now sadly report that the Jets' starting quarterback, as of this Sunday, will be Brooks Bollinger. BROOKS BOLLINGER. This, my friends, is not good news. Chad Pennington is done for the season, felled by a torn rotator cuff. I guess I don't have to worry about scheduling any vacation plans in January around potential playoff games for the Jets. I wonder if they find get Ray Lucas' number. I don't think he's too busy.

Perhaps I'll be able to rally shortly and discuss the other topics on my slate. If not, I'll get to them tomorrow. Oh, and just to ruin my even a bit further, Denver is leading the Chiefs 17-0 three minutes into the second quarter. Of course I've taken the Chiefs and the points.

Maxwell Smart died? That’s sad. First, I’ll admit I’m surprised he was still alive. But that’s no longer an issue.

Get Smart was a fantastic show, one of the first television programs I remember watching as a kid (albeit, of course, in reruns). That was preferred viewing in our house in the 1970s, along with shows like the Incredible Hulk, Love Boat, Dukes of Hazzard and afternoon movies on channels 9 and 11.

Then the 80s came along and we got cable, and Dance Party USA and MTV came into the house, and everything changed.

Just to show you how irritated I was after the Jets’ piss-poor effort, I had forgotten that they lost on a touchdown, not a field goal, in overtime. Even worse, they lost on a touchdown on a reversed call in overtime. The Jags were lined up for a field goal at the Jets' 1-yard line when the refs decided to take another look at the previous play, a pass and run that came rather close to the goal line. Upon further review? Touchdown. Game over. Abysmal.

I remembered this about halfway through tonight’s flight, which was mightily delayed. It also featured a sighting of someone many people wouldn’t have recognized, but who I knew immediately. When I sat down in the gate area, I realized the man sitting next to me was former New Jersey Net Jayson Williams. I saw his last NBA game, the night he collided with teammate Stephon Marbury and collapsed in a 6'10" heap on the floor. Unfortunately, he went on to become more well known for pumping a shotgun blast into a limo driver after a night of carousing in central Jersey, resulting in a trial and a media circus in town.

“I’m taking this jersey off. I’m embarrassed to be wearing it.”

So summed up the Professor after a long day in East Rutherford, N.J., resulting in a 26-20 Jets’ loss in overtime.

I’d be hard-pressed to recall seeing a worse football game in person. The Jets looked A.W.F.U.L. Offensively, they are inept (except for rookie kicker Mike Nugent, but that’s to be expected, given his fine collegiate training in Columbus). Late in the game, the Jets had the ball, 1st and goal from the 9-yard line, and could only muster a field goal. That is not the sign of a team destined for the playoffs. Were it not for the defense, they could have easily lost by two touchdowns.

On days like this, you’re particularly grateful for the pre-game tailgate, because that was the only bright spot on an otherwise bleak day. Oh, and there was the moment in the game when the Jets briefly took the lead after James Reed returned a fumble for a touchdown, when the Professor picked me up (and it is no exaggeration to say I’ve got several inches on this man) and twirled me around, which resulted in me accidentally kicking another fan in the head with my foot. Luckily, he was feeling equally celebratory and forgave the unintentional assault. Had we known how fleeting our glee would be, he might not have been so benevolent.

Let’s move on…

In other NFL news, you know things are bad when the Browns covering the spread against the Colts is your Sunday sporting highlight. The Packers are 0-3, caused in no small part by a missed extra point. A missed extra point? Are you kidding me? And making matters worse, I bet against the Packers, who managed to lose but still cover. Stench.

However, all was not lost this weekend. Ohio State earned a nice statement win over Iowa in its Big 10 opener. The defense allowed a stellar negative nine rushing yards. Even better, Michigan managed to lose to Wisconsin, 23-20, and dropped out of the Associated Press Top 25 poll for the first time in 114 weeks, which was the longest consecutive streak in the nation.

Now, it’s time to get on a plane headed south. After several hours of drinking, followed by the game, and then the trip straight to the airport, I am looking forward to a lengthy nap on one of Continental’s fleet. Hope my seatmate doesn’t mind a little snoring…

I spent the majority of the day on the golf course. As some of you know, I spend a lot of time on the golf course while I’m working, which leaves little time to actually play. Things started slowly today, with three consecutive triple bogeys. But I turned it around with a par on the fourth hole and played much better after that. I actually turned the tide to the point where I was playing better than two of the guys in our foursome. I don’t know that they were so amused by that. They had all sorts of helpful advice when I was spraying it all over the place at the beginning, but not much to say when I was driving it past them. My uber-competitive, girl power self enjoyed that.

It is a beautiful Jersey day, with lots of sunshine and a nice breeze. Let's hope it lasts as we're heading to the beach for the weekend, and then another Jets game Sunday.

For those who wonder why I love Brett Favre, I offer this line from his press conference yesterday...

Everyone out there, these experts out there, have written us off, and that's OK. At 0-2, it doesn't look too promising. But I consider that a huge challenge. Who knows? I won't know until I try.

Headlines like this just make me laugh. I'm a simple person. It doesn't take much to amuse me.

As evidenced by how long it took me to start a blog, I'm not usually the first to jump on something when it's super hot. Case in point, BAM and I went to see "The 40 Year-Old Virgin" tonight. First, I must point out that the punctuation is incorrect and, according to the Associated Press Stylebook, it should be "The 40-Year-Old Virgin."

But that is my sole complaint where this cinematic wonderment is concerned. Unlike the "Wedding Crashers," which started extremely strong but lost steam as it went on, this provided hearty laughs throughout. The closing scene, in particular, had us rolling. I won't go on and on since most people probably had this discussion a month ago, but this was one of the funniest movies I have seen in a long time.

A ocean wave crashes over a sightseer in Key West, Fla. Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2005, as Hurricane Rita brushes past the area.

I am all about thrill seeking, but this is just general jackassery.

Honestly, if you don't have the good sense to get out of the way of a hurricane after watching what went on with Katrina, I just don't know what to say.

In other headlines, there is an article in today's New York Times that discusses Jets' wide receiver Laveranues Coles' admission that he was molested by his stepfather as a youth. Coles has said he decided to tell his story to help other young people who might be dealing with the same situation. Knowing the macho environment that exists in NFL locker rooms, this move takes cajones the size of Texas. Good for him.

Someone I know was recently sent by his newspaper to the Gulf Coast to assist with Katrina coverage. He went to New Orleans and also spent a good deal of time in Mississippi. Give his stuff a read if you have some time. It's really good. Talking to him about his experience was fascinating.

This is a good one. Charlie Sheen is trying to say that the reason Denise Richards left him is because he watched too much sports. Ahem. My bullshit meter just went on high alert.

Yesterday was a wonderful day in East Rutherford. While the games are nice, the best part of the day is the tailgate. Thousands of people, eating, drinking, throwing footballs, listening to other games on the radio. Seeing old friends, some of whom probably haven't seen each other since last season ended. And it's an incredible mix of people. People who might not otherwise speak to each other if a parking lot and an oddly shaped ball didn't bring them together. Blue-collar, white-collar, garbagemen, lawyers, it doesn't matter, everyone enjoys the festivities as equals. Yesterday's weather was picture perfect - sunny with a nice breeze all afternoon. The Professor made me the best sausage and cheese sandwich I've ever had, which was accompanied by a few beers and a lot of wine, shared with the Professor's father.

Oh, and by the way, the Jets completely turned it around after last week's debacle and beat division rival Miami by 10. A tremendous opening day.

In other NFL news, this man is in for a long year...



When you're losing to the Browns (and I say this as someone who also supports the Browns) in your home opener, on a day you're retiring Reggie White's number, things are bleak.

They lived up to Reggie White's legacy on the day his number was retired, playing with a menacing mix of passion, poise and precision.

Not the Green Bay Packers, the Cleveland Browns.

Ouch.

But Favre did hit the 50,000-yard mark in career passing yards, joining Elway and Marino in an exclusive club. And the Packers have lost their home opener the past three years and gone on to make the playoffs, so perhaps all is not lost. But it doesn't look good right now.

Home sweet home, finally. The last 10 days were a little crazy. I particularly apologize for leaving a photo of Jose Canseco’s nipples atop the site for four days. That was insensitive.

So last night, I celebrated my return home by going out with the guys I used to work with. One of the old crew is leaving for another job and we always try to send people off properly. So we met at our dive bar, a place we frequent for three reasons: 1. they have good, cheap beer and food; 2. they have karaoke; and 3. they tolerate our shenanigans and tomfoolery. And we did not disappoint last night. The evening culminated in a rousing group rendition of Tom Jones’ “Delilah.”

The Professor, one of my dearest friends, crashed at my house after the festivities. This morning, he had to get rolling to go cover a high school soccer game, and I made plans to head to my brother’s house. The Professor and I walked outside, and I turned to bid him farewell. It was at this point that I realized his car was not outside my abode.

That’s right. I completely forgot I drove him home last night. Now, this doesn’t mean I irresponsibly drove after drinking. I was well within the legal limit. Well, maybe ‘well within’ is stretching matters. But things didn’t take the ugly turn until after we arrived here, when we drank a bottle of wine. That might have been unnecessary. Any time you’re opening bottles of Italian red wine at 2:30 a.m., you can’t expect things to end well, and I think that was proven by the fact that we were listening to the Little River Band’s greatest hits CD at 5 a.m.

Which is why I’m curled up on the couch at 10 on a Saturday night. Ten years ago, I could do back-to-back nights of carousing. Not so much anymore. I’ve also got to rest up for tomorrow’s Jets home opener. Game time at 4:15. Tailgating commences at noon.

I wonder where Jose got this lovely frock. My father's birthday is coming up...

You know when you go to a restaurant and the menu features great-looking pictures of the food (particularly at places like Denny’s) and then the eats come and they look nothing like the photos? Well, last night I went to a Mexican restaurant with a co-worker, and it must be said that the food did not photograph well. I wasn’t going to say anything but I saw my friend looking at the menu strangely, so I commented, “That doesn’t look very good, does it.” The meat had a strange gray tint. The beans looked, well, not good. Think diapers. Think dirty diapers.

But when the food came and it looked fine and tasted better. So much for advertising.

A horrible thought to start the day...

I see this article on yahoo news and I think, well that's just silly. I don't need to have wine targeted to me. I love wine. I really love wine. Then, it hits me.

Am I no longer young and hip? Did my last birthday push me out of the young and hip demographic?

Is it too early in the day for some wine?

Are you ready for some ... sports talk?

This had the potential to be a spectacular sports weekend. My high school was taking on its biggest rival, the Catholic high school two blocks away. Ohio State was hosting the University of Texas, and the Jets, Browns and Packers all had their season openers. Andre Agassi was attempting to turn back the clock and win a U.S. Open at age 35. And the USA was tied after two days in its attempt to win back the Solheim Cup (more on this momentarily for those of you who don’t know what that is, and I imagine that number might be high).

For a sports nut like me, it was almost too much.

By the way, before I get started, let me say that I will no longer be discussing the New York Mets this season. The Mets are dead to me. Even though they won today. But should they rally to get back into the wild card race, I take that back.

Anyway, let’s break everything down, event by event…

The other high school 21, my high school 7. This is slightly depressing but I’ll get over it. The two schools didn’t play from 1985 to 2003 (something to do with some unpleasantness between the players, the coaches, the crowds, their pets, that sort of thing). That’s what happens when you have two high schools two blocks apart and they share a football field. The rivalry resumed last year and I got to enjoy a victory in person. Good stuff. At least I didn’t bear witness to Friday night’s loss.

Texas 25, OSU 22. I’ve gotten a few calls asking if I’m okay after this game (particularly since I then didn’t post 24 hours and people know I’ve got a cache of pharmaceuticals). Truth be told, I’m fine. Yes, the Buckeyes lost and certainly could have won the game. The two drives that resulted in field goals before the half killed them. I will forever question why Tressel put Justin Zwick in the game with two minutes left with the fleet-footed Troy Smith on the sideline. I can’t blame Smith for the safety as time ran out because they were on the one-foot line. Had they recovered the ensuing onside kick, it would have been genius.

My brother, who stayed up until midnight to watch the game’s conclusion despite the fact that his preferred bedtime is in the 10 p.m. range, did provide a wonderful, albeit politically incorrect commentary regarding who should and should not be allowed to roam out of the pocket.

But there were bright spots, and it was a tremendous college football game. I do feel bad for San Diego State, which is coming to town next week.

Chiefs 27, Jets 7. Earlier, I received an e-mail from my cousin that reads: You, me, Adam and Matthew could've done a better job than the J-E-T-S-SUCK-SUCK-SUCK did today. Adam and Matthew are my nephews, with a median age of three. So I think we all see his point.

Never I have been so happy to be out of the metropolitan NY area and thus unable to watch the J-E-T-S. I can only imagine what the vitriol for Coach Edwards (Herm, to the locals) will be like at the first home game next Sunday.

Bengals 27, Browns 13. This may be a highlight for the Browns this season, a mere 14-point loss to their big in-state rival. Let’s move on, shall we.

Lions 17, Packers 3. The first paragraph of the story I just read about this game was: Brett Favre’s 15th season got off to a dreadful start.

Ouch. He was sacked four times, threw two interceptions and fumbled once. Megan, I’m definitely coming to see a game this fall because I can’t see him coming back for more of this sort of punishment. I’m going to blame this on an ineffective offensive line.

Obviously, my offer of a hug still stands.

Federer over Agassi in four sets. Agassi gave it a really good run, but just ran out of gas. I can live with this. I’m not a huge tennis fan, just a sucker for sentimentality.

But all was not lost…

The Solheim Cup is an event in women’s golf. It pits the top American players against the top European players. The varied USA squads have taken a real ass whupping in team events on the golf course lately, and it was time for the tide to turn.

USA 15 1/2, Europe 12 1/2. Riveting television. Outstanding golf by some unexpected players. And the winning point was secured by … a former Ohio State golfer.

So, for those keeping score at home, thus far we’ve got one piece of good news and a whole lot of lackluster results. But two bright spots saved the weekend.

First, Michigan lost to Notre Dame at home, which is much worse than the Buckeyes’ loss.

Then, the New Orleans Saints managed to pull off a win over the Carolina Panthers, who just last week Sports Illustrated predicted will win the Super Bowl. And the Saints are a god-awful football team. Their fans are known for wearing paper shopping bags over their heads while sitting in the stands.

But somehow, this awful football team summoned everything it could and delivered a win for the people of New Orleans. Good times.

This post got out of hand, for which I apologize. I also apologize to everyone for whom this was WAY too much sports talk, and promise that will be it for the week.

While on the road, I have a tendency to watch things on television I might not otherwise view. I’m bored, you know? Current Exhibit A: “Intervention,” which is currently airing on A&E. Apparently, what happens here is real-life people allow television cameras to come into their homes as they sit a beloved family member or friend down to show them the error of their ways.

All I can say about this is that interventions are a whole lot more entertaining when they happen on shows like Party of Five or 90210.

This is not quite so amusing. Admittedly, I've missed a good chunk of this episode, so I'm sure I'm missing some key goings-on. But I've seen a whole lot of angst and crying (and a lot of bad grammar by at least one participant, which is enough to make me cry).

Thank god I have some hard-core pharmaceuticals on hand to help me doze off and forget this.

The fine folks at the Smoking Gun provide me with many a giggle. Occasionally, a full guffaw. Currently, they are featuring letters from television viewers who were outraged when Robert Novak used a profanity (bullshit) on CNN. This is my favorite.

Another writer indicates that her children were watching and heard the 'B' word on the show and now she can't get them to stop saying the 'B' word. Maybe it's just me, but to me the 'B' word is 'bitch.'

Guess what is very, very easy to get in this state (Tennessee, for those of you keeping score at home)? Hard-core drugs! Sometime in the past 10 hours, I somehow managed to severely pull a muscle in my neck and back, making it very difficult to turn my head in either direction. Honestly, it's difficult to move at all. So I visited a doctor this afternoon and came away with not one, not two, but THREE prescriptions. One is a muscle relaxant, one is a pain killer, and the other is an anti-inflammatory.

Something tells me it might be wise to stay away from the computer after ingesting this bevy of pharmaceuticals later tonight.

If anyone has an extra $6500 or so, along with an overwhelming sense of benevolence, feel free to win a barbecue at Kevin Smith's house for me and freakgirl.

While reading the online obituaries from today's local paper, I saw that one of them listed the deceased name, accompanied by 'lived a full life.'

Dudes, I do so hope that when I go, one of you has the good sense to call the newspaper and request something like 'partied her ass off' or 'amazing she lived this long.'

It’s been more than 20 years since the Outsiders came out? Holy crap, I'm old. Next, someone's going to tell me that Sixteen Candles is 20 years old. Anyway, here's a look at the cast. I particularly like C. Thomas Howell's line about movies of the week.

The NFL season starts in less than an hour and I am giddy. Are you ready for some football? Yes, I am. You know that Staples commercial where the father is skipping around the store, kicking up his heels, while “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” plays in the background, as the miserable kids face a return to school? That’s how I feel about the NFL. It IS the most wonderful time of the year. I love football. And because the NFL season is only 18 weeks (16 games), every game really counts, unlike baseball and basketball, where you can stop paying attention for a few weeks and not miss a thing. I am currently planning a trip to Brazil and a major consideration in said planning is the NFL season. I am not going during the playoffs. I can’t imagine Brazil TV is going to be overly concerned about showing the NFL playoffs. And that’s not going to fly with me.

Anyway, here’s what I’d like to see in week one – Brett Favre throw for 500 yards, the Saints give the city of New Orleans a boost by pulling off a win, and the Browns to beat the Bengals in Cleveland. Why are the Browns and Bengals playing each other in week one? That’s absurd.

This year, I am a Jets season-ticket holder for the first time ever. I can guarantee you some drunken postings on Sundays this fall.

This is an actual exchange I enjoyed yesterday…

After placing my order, I pulled through the drive-thru at Chik-Fil-A (and everyone thinks life on the road is steak and fancy red wine) in northwestern Georgia. I handed my money over to the young cashier manning the drive-thru, who then hit me with this:

“How are you tonight? Are you coming from church?”

Me (after a lengthy and noticeable silence): “Why, is that what people do around here on Wednesday nights?”

Him: “Oh yes, that’s what most people do; they go to church and then they come here. Why, where are you from?”

Me: “New Jersey.”

Him: “Oh, what night do you all go to church up there?”

Me: (another prolonged silence) “Um, I guess, I don’t know, Thursdays?”

Him: “Get out!! That’s when I go too. Cool!”

Apparently, the sweet smell of sarcasm was undetectable. That was pretty much all we had to say to each other.

I believe we have another candidate for my list of future husbands and his name is Ben Kopelman, a man who took the time to learn that a 60-minute episode of SportsCenter consists of a mere nine minutes of sports highlights (thanks to freakgirl for sending this along).

Okay, I think I've got my ESPN bashing out of my system. For the day, anyway.

My horoscope today: Some see napping as the ultimate in laziness – you consider it an integral part of your day. What people don’t understand about Pisces is that you’re working everything out in your sleep, and this is the most efficient way to go.

Word. I’ll be taking a big nap today as I fly to Atlanta. I’ll be in Tennessee until the 16th. This will be my first road trip since joining the blogging nation, so we’ll see how it goes.

WHOA! Less than an hour after bad-mouthing Linda Cohn, I learned she is leaving SportsCenter (third item down). I'd try to work the same magic with Stewey, but I've been slamming him for YEARS and he's still there.

What do you think Kevin Smith's resume looks like? I think it probably reads: writer, director, actor, Ben Affleck's personal spokesman.

Now, I would never celebrate someone losing their job, because that's just insensitive. However. If ESPN (aka the Evil Empire) is going to clean house where its 'talent' is concerned, they couldn't have picked a better way to start than with Trev Alberts. Is it too much to hope that Stewey could be next, thus allowing me to start watching the Worldwide Leader again?

I used to love SportsCenter, so much so that I would watch the same episode three or four times in a row. Patrick and Olberman's timing was unbeatable and it made for can't-miss TV. And it really was about the sports - highlights, with some easy-flowing shtick. Now, the entire network turns my stomach. It's an entertainment network where sports are secondary. The shtick is forced and the entire operation has been dumbed down. Why can't I just watch highlights without being told that it's a Top 10 nominee? I'm fairly intelligent; I can figure that out for myself.

For shits and giggles, I looked up 'SportsCenter' on Jump the Shark and found a veritable plethora of options as to when the show jumped. Among my favorites:
-Stuart Scott has to constantly prove he's "da bomb" (I dare say truer words have ne'er been spoken);
-Linda Cohn (she used to be tolerable, and now they've got her tarted up, which seems to have reduced her ability to use the English language effectively);
-Exit...Stage Left, Craig Kilborn, who I didn't fully appreciated while he was there, to my regret. Cinderella was right - You Don't Know What You Got (Til It's Gone).

It is worth noting that 29 people believe the show has never jumped. I have no plausible explanation for why they could think that.

Lots of sports news today. I don't like to hear this ... Scott Stevens will not play for the Devils this season. While it stops short of saying he's retiring, that's kind of what it sounds like to me. When this story is covered on tonight's news, I look forward to seeing the replay of his greatest hit ever - the leveling of Lindros in the 2000 conference finals. UPDATED - he has announced his retirement. It saddens me that he won't get to say a proper farewell on the Meadowlands ice because of the strike. Yes, he'll have a nice official send-off, but it won't be the same.

Outstanding. This guy didn't even play college football and he made the Broncos, but Wayward Wunderkind Maurice Clarett got cut. Karma indeed.

For the ones who had a notion, a notion deep inside
That it ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive
-Bruce Springsteen

Last week will not go down in my personal annals as a good stretch. Work was extraordinarily insane (so much so that the last day of one of my best friends in the office was Friday and I couldn't find time to see him before he departed) and when I wasn’t slogging through that, I was watching nonstop Katrina coverage, which was just heartbreaking on so many levels.

But after a spectacular weekend, I’m operating with fully charged batteries. Work is still crazy and I’m due to hit the road again tomorrow, but the past four days put me in a much better place. Things got off to a good start Friday when I took the day off and hit a water park with KJ, my oldest and dearest friend, and her five-year-old twin boys. On the first run down a twisty slide, I immediately felt 12 years old and the stress of the past week melted away. It was also the start of a great Jersey shore weekend – lots of bike riding, boating, eating crap, drinking on patio bars. A whole lot of time spent doing a whole lot of nothing – sitting in the back yard at my parents’ house, with the sun in my face and a breeze at my back. A special shout-out to whoever was responsible for the weather – four days of perfection.

I’ll admit to all sorts of guilt about enjoying such a terrific weekend while so many are suffering so terribly. But that made me very aware of how good things are here and made me enjoy each moment even more. I also was heartened by the goings-on in our area – our local Coast Guard holding a car wash for victims, countless kids with lemonade stands in their yards and signs reading “All Profits For Katrina Victims.” I was grateful for the opportunities to contribute in small ways, and plan to continue to do so.